Dipshit Assholery - Time for Some Random Fucking Anger

On the Yankees

Mark Teixiera finally breaks through. Two hits including a big three run double to tie a game in the 8th inning.

And the Yankees lost again. It's May. I can't really say I give a shit. Would've liked to see them win, but the reality is EVERYONE is getting fucking injured again. I don't know what's the deal with the conditioning, but this shit has got to stop. Posada, Bruney, Marte, A-Rod, Ransom...really? Are you fucking kidding me? That's just great. After last year's Molina/Moeller dynamic offensive duo behind the plate, we are back to Molina/Cervelli. No knock on Molina, he's a defensive guy and that's his job, but when you factor in the A-Rod injury and the fact that one month into the season Yankee third basemen are hitting sub .200 ish with NO HOME RUNS it's pretty fucking obvious what's wrong with a team that leaves a small Japanese prefecture on base in every god damn game.

I'm not pissed at anyone in particular, but in general STOP GETTING FUCKING INJURED. I don't want to have to watch punchless Mendoza liners take at bats every night, it's fucking boring. It's like when you go to the park to play pickup baseball and there's that kid that's really nice but he sucks at hitting, and because you and all your friends hit you have to let him hit...so the whole time you stand on the infield dirt with your glove on your knee, trying to count the clouds, while you watch him whiff and foul off pitch after pitch after pitch knowing that somewhere 50 pitches from now he'll hit a pop up and that will do as a solid "good contact to go out on" so you can finally get his ass out of the batter's box and back in the outfield where it belongs to chase down everyone else's bombs.

If that happens, maybe CC Sabathia, Joba Chamberlain, Pettitte, and Burnett will start to win some fucking games. And Chien Ming Wang if he realizes that SINKER is not Taiwanese for "belt high fastball with no movement on it." And then maybe by those guys going more innings, the overworked bullpen will get better with more rest.

Or maybe they'll continuing getting injured and the bullpen will have logged 1100 innings by July, in which case maybe by then Joba should go in the bullpen because he would probably get more innings in as a reliever (major sarcasm).

On the Red Sox

What a bunch of fucking crybaby asshats. David "I have no home runs" Ortiz telling Joba not to pitch inside to Kevin Youkilis. Boo fucking hoo. I distinctly remember a David Fatshit Ortiz who charged the mound against the Devil Rays (yes, they were still the Devil Rays back then) and got into a spat with noted ace pitching prospect (also major sarcasm) Dewon Brazelton after someone hit The Fat Douche with a pitch in that fucking elbow guard that's nearly the size of his stomach. The guy hardly ever gets hit, but every time he does, it's an incident. He also cried when Derek Jeter looked to be leading the MVP Race in 2006, saying the MVP should hit home runs and get RBI's (a little plug for himself, durrr...) Too bad Jeter was too classy to say that MVP's should play the field instead of fucking pinch hitting four times a game and just getting fastballs batting in front of Manny Ramirez. Joba should have fucking drilled "The Big O-Fer" right between his fucking Shrek eyes to teach him that bitching yields nothing in life. Which at least it didn't used to.

That whole team and their fans symbolize what is wrong with the attitudes of a lot of people in this country. A bunch of whiny know nothing self entitled prissy pussy anal retentive dipshit cockmouths who think that they are god's gift to this planet and deserve every good thing they get and anything bad is unfair. Self entitled assholes are behind every single problem in today's world and this smegma begotten shitstream of losers is no exception. Add a lot of these people together and they just take take take, and failing that they bitch bitch bitch. It doesn't work because someone always goes home disappointed, so all you get is a lot of bitching, in sports and in life. In fairness, a lot of (bandwagon) Yankee fans are acting the same way and a lot of them post on Facebook - fuck you, internet, for giving these unqualified assclown morons a forum to interact with others where they do not face fear of retaliatory-punch-in-the-face-or-ballsvagina.

Summary
Like I've said before, the last few seasons have been a real eye opener. I prefer to just judge and enjoy the games on their own merits and support my team. I am sick of the whining, the backstories, the biased coverage, and the idiotic comments from a bunch of wannabe 60-year-old-virgins (they're well on their way). I just want to enjoy the games and see my team stay healthy. And maybe make you fuckers laugh every once in a while when someone does something stupid like beg a pitcher not to hit one of his teammates, or get injured.

Douggy's 2009 Yankees

Posted here for you all to see...

I believed that LAST offseason should have been quiet because of the quality of the free agent class THIS year. The economic situation in baseball played itself out so that a lot of players hit the market this year, and a lot of teams faced key personnel changes. A fairly active trading deadline helped push that process along as well, because many of the players moved change homes with the understanding from their new teams that they may well be rentals.

Passing on Santana last year allowed us to keep our young players and keep a good deal of salary off the books for what was a transition year in 2008. Now, this year, a TON of that salary comes off the books, and the Yankees can get back to spending big - but this time, intelligently - in building a team that will contend in 2009.

Here are my picks for the final roster, reflecting recent events since Nick Swisher has been acquired and Darrell Rasner is headed to Japan.

STARTING LINEUP
CF Johnny Damon
SS Derek Jeter
3B Alex Rodriguez
RF Manny Ramirez (3Y $75M, possibly go as high as 4Y 100M)
DH Hideki Matsui
C Jorge Posada
LF Xavier Nady
1B Nick Swisher
2B Robinson Cano

BENCH
C Jose Molina
1B Doug Mientkiewicz (1Y $1-2M)
IF Cody Ransom
OF Brett Gardner

ROTATION
SP CC Sabathia (6Y $140-150M)
SP Chien Ming Wang
SP Andy Pettitte
SP Joba Chamberlain
SP Phil Hughes (sign Freddy Garcia as insurance, 1Y)

BULLPEN
RP Brian Bruney
RP Chris Britton/Jon Albaladejo/Garcia
RP Edwar Ramirez
RP Phil Coke
RP Damaso Marte
SU Jose Veras
CL Mariano Rivera

It's time to break in Hughes, and Joba starts full time this year. If insurance is needed (particularly to keep Hughes and Joba under their innings limits), you could sign Garcia or bring Pavano back for a one year incentive laden deal...or go to the farm.

This puts the team on track to contend seriously and make a major push in 2009. After 2009, the lineup will need to be overhauled, so that sets the stage for Brett Gardner to take over in center, Austin Jackson to take over in left, and Nady to slide back to right with Manny becoming full time DH. Damon and Matsui expire after 2009, and it's quite possible Matsui will retire and Damon may not be brought back. If Damon is brought back, he could be the DH, Manny RF, and Nady LF. Jackson is athletic enough to play left or center, and if he's not ready, you still have Gardner. Lots of options as far as ways to go with that.

So there you have it, the ideal 2009 lineup.

As for Moose, it would be wrong to not mention anything in this post. He's been a great Yankee and it is a failure on the part of the organization, not on Moose himself, that he was never able to win a championship while he was here. If this is truly the end of his career, then we have been witness to one of the finest and most intelligent pitchers in baseball history, right up there with Greg Maddux. He has been a model of consistency, control, and class over the course of his career, and was a great Yankee. He will be missed on the field...best of luck to him in his life and career after baseball.

Quit Yer Bitchin' about the World Series TV Ratings

Another year, another World Series, and more clueless ass clowns complaining about how the ratings were low.

What do you expect?

What do you expect when games start after 8pm every night, as they have for the past decade? What do you expect when games are filled with pitching changes nowadays that drag the game on longer?

But more importantly, what do you expect with two "Small Market" (aka not Boston, Chicago, or New York) teams in the World Series, right?

Wrong.

Baseball is fucking up because it can't cover itself without bias. It promotes its "famous franchises" at the neglect of its Joe the Plumbers, er..."regular Joes."

It starts even before the season begins. Pitchers and catchers report, and all you hear about is the Yankees vs. the Red Sox. Maybe some other team somewhere has a prospect that gets a 2 second mention because of the internet phenomenon known as "fantasy baseball" (as in, not real baseball), but chances are the Top 10 "topics du mois" during March are 1) college basketball, 2) college basketball, 3) an NFL player getting arrested, 4) the Los Angeles Lakers and/or Kobe Bryant, 5) college basketball, 6) retirement home bingo, 7) Jason Varitek's World Series predictions, 8) a comparison of Hank Steinbrenner to his father, 9) Peter Gammons pleasuring his pee pee to the sight of Fenway Park now one year older (and almost as old as Gammons himself), and 10) college basketball.

Man, all those Kansas City Royals fans must be PUMPED for baseball season...

Chiefs season can't come soon enough...oh wait...

So what you end up with is a game that is alienating its fan base outside of major cities, and a vast majority of casual fans who actually only give a shit about 5 teams. 5 teams. Out of 30. The odds of one of those teams making it into the playoffs is, mathematically, about 1 in 3. Maybe slightly higher, because those teams tend to do well, which is why they get the biased coverage, so let's go with 40%. And of those 5 teams, the fans that like one most likely hate the rest, so you've got a highly polarized fan segment that will eat up every second if "their" team is in, but would rather watch reruns of "The Nanny" than sit through one of the 4 rival teams playing. And everyone else doesn't give a shit, because their team's not in it.

And the kids, well fuck 'em. They don't pay tickets to the game. No need to make anything accessible to them anymore. If their parents are rich enough to buy them baseline seats, well, then maybe we'll throw 'em a foul ball. But that's it. If they want to watch the World Series, they're going to learn to stay up like REAL MEN for those extra inning marathons well into the next morning...Homework and the higher sleep requirements for children be damned! Hey, what's that little guy...?...THERES NO CRYING IN BASEBALL.

And you wonder why baseball is increasingly becoming a bandwagon fan's game. A sport's championship is the best way to gauge true interest in the sport. Baseball may boast record ticket sales, but it is alienating the intelligent fans, and future generations. The kids who will grow up and go to baseball games are the sons of hecklers who only know how to cheer for a winning team. Or pretentious suits sitting in the expensive seats, ordering all kinds of expensive shit, getting mildly drunk college style to "remember when" and then leaving in the fifth inning to go hit on that secretary from the other department at a bar as pretentious as their "we sponsor ____ comment" after that home run in the third inning. These are not educated baseball fans who can appreciate a good game and make interesting conversation for 9 innings, thus their poor kids will never have a fighting chance. Hockey, despite being seen as a fringe sport, still gets plenty of fan interest for the Stanley Cup, even if a fan's "favorite team" ain't in it. Football = Super Bowl, 'nuff said. Baseball? Not so much. The media, with the help of MLB, hypes it's "favored 5" and when the last team goes, no one gives a shit. No one cared this year after Boston was knocked out; they were the last "bastion of hope" for the Casuals out there. Same thing in 2006...Tigers/St. Louis? 2005: Houston/White Sox? Hell, no one even remembers if the White Sox even CELEBRATED winning the damn thing (wait, they WON??). Even Ozzie Guillen couldn't call attention to that Series.

And it's not because of the sport, it's because of the way it's marketed. TV data shows that 55% of all television sets in the greater Philadelphia area were tuned to the World Series during one of the final games of the series, including 73% of TV's THAT WERE ON. Think about that. More than half of all television sets are watching the game. 3/4 of TV's that are on, are watching the game.

Lowest.
Rated.
Series.
Ever.

You don't need to be a genius to realize that this means no one outside Philly was watching.

Because of the dumbasses in charge of promoting the league, the teams, and the games, Rays/Phillies never had even so much as a fighting chance. Maybe if the teams got some coverage during the season, from start to finish, instead of Yankees/Mets/Red Sox/Cubs/Angels, they would have.

But with MLB and ESPN running things, we'll never know. See you next year in the Nielsen Rating cellar...

Anti Boston Rant #1

Well Douggy Bombs has a new home, and it's good to start with a bang...

...That's what she said...

So here is this beauty in its entirety for Your enjoyment, inspired by tonight's depressing game, which as I'll explain, pissed me off for reasons other than the fact those inbred douchebags will be hanging around for at least another couple of days:

Boston is a fucking isolated depressing racist homophobic city otherwise situated in a windy and cloudy and cold climate, a town of many where the streets are empty, a place as cold in atmosphere as it is in temperature during the winter. It lacks transportation, it lacks attractions, it lacks things to do besides food/drink (and you wonder why so many New Englanders are fat). But most important it lacks class.

The Rays are still up 3-2 and one win seals the deal. While they will play this up as a dramatic win, it doesn't mean shit. It's no different than if they'd won 100-0, a win is a win you put it in the past and you WIN THE NEXT GAME.

Sportswriters are fucking idiots who have ruined sports forever with this sensationalist bullshit dramatic ass-smear campaign all over our TVs, newspapers, and internet. There is no such thing as clutch. There is no such thing as heart, there is only balls and you either have the balls to play in the game or not to play in the game, balls do not help you hit the curveball in the 8th inning and your heart don't do shit except get the blood to your brain. Jon Lester surviving cancer doesn't make him a better pitcher, Schilling pitching with a bloody sock didn't earn him any "brownie points" from whatever god you want to believe in that somehow made him pitch better, and that same god you chose isn't listening when you pray for your team to win a game. Of course they will chalk it up to all these bullshit traits they've made up, whether its curses or "heart" they always find a way to make the bullshit stink worse every year.

It's easy to write about things that don't exist, because no one can call your bullshit on it and tell you they don't exist without proof. Sportswriters have been milking that fat fucking Rosie O'Donnell sized cow for too long now and it's getting old. When these stupid comebacks and upsets happen so often and sports, there ceases to be anything surprising about them, and when they start and are stopped there is nothing surprising about that either. Both Comebacks and close out wins by the team leading the series are nothing new in sports, and the writers need to get it in their heads that it's run of the mill. Down 3-1? Find out how many times the teams involved put together a 3 game winning streak during the season and you see how common it is. Has absolutely nothing to do with heart.

And the city of Boston isn't an All American anything, except an All American Piece of Shit.